Sedentary Spring-Cleaning


Life Face First: Negotiating One Calamity at a Time

Spring! The word absolutely blossoms from the mouth, doesn’t it?
It’s often called a time of rebirth and renewal. It’s the season when flowers and fresh leaves splash a riot of color on the landscape, and televisions commercials star newly hatched chicks.
Wardrobes take on pastel shades that do terrible things to my skin tone. It gives me a sallow hue that makes people gag. Or maybe it’s the yellow snow-like pollen that’s making people gag?
Either way, people are gagging.
People often associate spring as being a time to clean out and freshen up around the house.
This year, my spring-cleaning was surprisingly sedentary. I’m usually an aggressive cleaner, hungry for germ blood.
“Don’t forget to wipe the bottoms of the window ledges,” I’ve frequently shouted to my husband Brian who grudgingly helps me clean.
One year, I decided to clean a room at a time. I had Brian remove all the furniture so I could clean the room from ceiling to floor. I then cleaned the furniture before Brian put it back.
Germs didn’t stand a chance, but on week three of the cleaning process, Brian threatened to divorce me.
I quickly concluded my cleaning, even if it meant the backside of my bookcase still has a cobweb on it.
Call it age, call it wisdom, call it creative inspiration but this year I’ve taken a different approach. Instead of cleaning my house, I’ve cleaned up my web presence.
For the last several weeks, I’ve worked fervently creating a new website,
Imagine Brian’s relief when he learned that he could go fishing instead of helping me wipe the insides of every book in our collection, page by page.
(In the private pages of this column that’s read by thousands of people weekly, I confess that I’ve never cleaned the insides of our books, but I like Brian to think that we one day will. It keeps him on his toes.)
The spiffy new will include selections from this column, news, events, a monthly newsletter and content exclusive to subscribers, and it’s all free.
It’s my gift to my readers, as it was my gift to Brian that we didn’t clean the inside of our home from gutter to crawlspace.
Brian has even agreed to write about what it’s like to be the frequent subject of my column for an upcoming newsletter.
(Allegations that I employed the threat of cleaning the insides of books to illicit his cooperation are unsubstantiated. I have no further comment at this time.)
I hope you enjoy both your spring and the new website.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, there’s a cobweb I need to eradicate.

Nora Blithe

Nora Blithe is the author of the syndicated humor column “Life Face First.” Read her blog online at