Life Face First: Negotiating One Calamity at a Time- Valentine Woes

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Valentine’s Day looms large on the calendar. At this time of year, single people may be tempted to feel bad that they don’t have a significant other. Yet, as “water cooler conversations” around the office prove, relationships aren’t for everyone.

Once, one of my coworkers delighted the office with a story about an ongoing argument she was having with her fiancé.

It began when her favorite piece of décor, a wall hanging made from branches, fell from the wall and broke.

(It wasn’t her fiancé’s fault that it broke. That wasn’t the argument. The argument is much funnier than that.)

She decided that rather than part with her favorite piece of art, she would attempt a repair. She carefully laid out the broken pieces, armed herself with Super Glue and began the reassembly.

As a precaution, she first squirted the glue onto a tissue. She didn’t want to apply too much to the broken art. A glob of glue came out all at once. She kept pressing until she was satisfied that she could control the stream of glue. Then, she proceeded with the repairs.

Finally, she was done and she surveyed the results. The branches were glued in place and the break wasn’t noticeable. She was pleased with the results.

She left her supplies out and went to the bathroom to wash Super Glue off her fingers. It was then that her fiancé, seeing a used tissue lying on the table alongside a bottle of glue and a previously broken bit of wall art, decided to blow his nose.

Instead of taking a fresh tissue from the box, he repurposed the used tissue lying on the table.

He lifted the Super Glue covered tissue to his face, blew his nose, and immediately regretted his decision not to opt for a clean tissue.

While it might be environmentally responsible, using someone else’s dirty tissue isn’t the wisest of choices as he learned to his sorrow.

The tissue stuck firmly to the bridge of his nose.

He raged in fury and blamed my coworker for his predicament.

“It’s your fault! You shouldn’t have left a glue covered tissue lying around,” he shouted.

“Who uses a dirty Kleenex?” she asked incredulously.

Nora Blithe

Nora Blithe is the author of the syndicated humor column “Life Face First.” Read her blog online at doorinface.com or contact her at norablithe@gmail.com.